How Santa Claus and 8 More of Your Favorite Fictional Characters Can Get Fit

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Jessica Rabbit famously once said, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” But not all fictional characters are so lucky. Many are created overweight, out of shape, and in need of a good workout. But that doesn’t mean they can’t change…We spoke to Steve Edwards, Beachbody’s VP of Fitness and Nutrition, to figure out which program would help such characters as Santa Claus, Homer Simpson, and the Blob get into shape.

HOMER SIMPSON
AGE: 40
HEIGHT: 6’0″
WEIGHT: 239 lbs.
One night, after being thrown out of an all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant for eating too much, Homer drove around until 3 AM looking for another all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. His compulsive eating is matched only by his compulsive drinking and his compulsive aversion to exercise.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “I’d probably start him with 10-Minute Trainer because he needs to do something suited to his short attention span that will change his habits without a lot of time investment. Homer’s the kind of person who will find any excuse to not exercise. But ten minutes a day? Pretty hard to find an excuse not to do that.”

GARFIELD
AGE: 35 (in cat years)
HEIGHT: 3’2”
WEIGHT: 30 lbs.
Garfield’s diet consists of lasagna (which he eats by the pan), coffee, and the occasional houseplant. His only exercise comes when he smacks Odie across the nose, smushes a spider, or tries to mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “Cats are athletically gifted, even if they’re out of shape, so I’m thinking we’d want to start Garfield on a basic-level movement-based program like FOCUS T25. It’s basically twenty-five minutes of movement-based, high-intensity training. Then, when he’s done, I’d move him into THE ASYLUM, which would help him in his fights with Odie.”

GET IT DONE: IN  25 MINUTES A DAY!

THE PENGUIN FROM BATMAN
AGE: mid-60s
HEIGHT: 5’2”
WEIGHT: 175 lbs.
Because of his height and weight, the Penguin typically waddles when he walks, which is not conducive to regular exercise. He also has a business to run, and Batman to run from, so he doesn’t have a lot of time.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “I would give him P90X3 because it’s a diverse fitness program. He’s often fighting off Batman, so the more versatile he is, the better chance he’ll have to escape. Plus, the program is only 30 minutes a day, so he’ll be able to squeeze that into his busy schedule.”


MARIO FROM SUPER MARIO BROS.
AGE: 40
HEIGHT: 4’9”
WEIGHT: 200 lbs.
Though he does a lot of running and jumping, and has a healthy, mushroom-based diet, this portly plumber still has the Buddha belly he’s had since 1981.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “He does a lot of cardio, so what he needs to do is lift weights so he can change his body composition. I’d put him on Body Beast, which is a bodybuilding program. He’s already fit, we don’t need to get him fitter, but we need to change the way he trains and get his metabolism moving in a way where he’ll burn more calories.”

BOMBUR FROM THE HOBBIT
AGE: 44
HEIGHT: 4’5”
WEIGHT: 100 lbs.
Often referred to as “Poor Fat Bombur,” this dwarf did get some exercise when he joined his friends on a quest to free the Lonely Mountain from the dragon Smaug. Though, sadly, this was the only exercise he ever got.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “He’s kind of in a similar situation as Mario, since he walks around a lot. But he’s a lot less athletic. So he needs more movement-based training. I’d put him on P90X2 because it would not only help him change his body type, but he also wants to get ready for adventure, and P90X2 is our ultimate performance program.”


ERIC CARTMAN FROM SOUTH PARK
AGE: 10
HEIGHT: 4’2”
WEIGHT: 90 lbs.
Besides living in a constant state of denial about his weight—”I’m not fat,” he often says, “I’m big boned”—Eric also lives on a steady diet of Cheesy Poofs, chicken pot pie, and fast food, while avoiding most exercise.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “With a guy like that, you want to find an exercise he’ll like to do. So I’d give him LES MILLS COMBAT, which is a martial arts program. It would be good for someone like Cartman because COMBAT would make him forget that he’s exercising and think he’s working on his fighting moves.”

LES MILLS COMBAT. Work out like a warrior. Get shredded in 60 days.

RALPH KRAMDEN FROM THE HONEYMOONERS
AGE: 40
HEIGHT: 5′ 10″
WEIGHT: 250–300 lbs.
As a bus driver, Ralph sits eight hours a day. As a man constantly trying to come up with get-rich-quick schemes, Ralph also sits for a different eight hours a day. You can see the problem.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “He’d also be a candidate for 10-Minute Trainer, but since his wife wants him to go dancing and do more active stuff, and he’s resistant to it, I’d give him Hip Hop Abs instead. He’s out of shape, and almost any of our programs would work for him, but Hip Hop Abs gives you a little more rhythm, which might get him to take his wife dancing.”

THE BLOB FROM THE BLOB
AGE: unknown
HEIGHT: varies
WEIGHT: increases with every meal
After landing in the woods outside a small town in Pennsylvania, the Blob proceeded to eat an old man, a doctor, a nurse, a car mechanic, a janitor, a movie projectionist, and a bunch of movie patrons in a single night. Which isn’t healthy (or a good way to make friends).
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “The Blob didn’t like the cold. So I’d go with Brazil Butt Lift, which was shot on a beach set. It’s an indoor video program, but you’re looking at people on a beach. If the Blob can look at the beach all the time, it would probably be pretty motivated to exercise.”

SANTA CLAUS
AGE: 1,743
HEIGHT: 6’0”
WEIGHT: 5 clouds and 10 stars
While he works hard on Christmas Eve, old Saint Nick spends the rest of the year sleeping, fishing, and playing World of Warcraft. He also, on Christmas Eve, eats tons of cookies but only drinks half of the milk that kids leave out for him.
WHICH PROGRAM IS RIGHT FOR HIM? “I think he needs P90X because it builds a functional fitness base that can see you through for a long time. And because the program trains you so thoroughly, you can keep your results for a long time. It’s a little more of a time investment up front, but for his schedule, it would be the best thing.”

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Let me Help You! I would love to Be YOUR COACH. Pick a Program above and let’s Get started. Which Fictional Character are you most like??

 

Surprise! Those Home Workout DVDs Do Work | P90

An Experiment in Fitness and Nutrition with P90

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When I moved to LA the most valuable thing I packed was an open mind.  I told myself I’d be up for whatever experiences were thrown my way. Auditioning for a reality TV show– check! Dancing in the desert at a musical festival– check! Eating raw food and green juice– check, check! Testing out a new home workout program….hold up. Let’s say I didn’t see that one coming.

While there were many things I anticipated getting the chance to do, becoming a before and after “model” was not one.  Yet, when the opportunity presented itself, I dove in and stayed true to my commitment to embrace the unexpected. This leads us to the aforementioned picture. A side-by-side comparison of my flawed imperfect normal self put on display next to a ‘New and Improved!’ version.

Normally sharing these photos would fall outside of the sphere of things I’m willing to do.  Appearing on reality TV fully clothed is one thing. Sharing half-naked pictures of myself a whole other and exponentially frightening endeavor (IMOP). Particularly frightening when one of those photos makes me look like I’ve smoked a pipe of opium and eaten a wedding cake while hibernating in a remote arctic cave. It’s not exactly the selfie I want on display for all the world to see.

One of the things The Single Diaries has taught me, however, is not to let fear get in the way of opportunity. When these photos were shared with me, I knew there was an opportunity to share the story behind them with you. So what exactly is that story? How did I end up as infomercial material and what does it have to do with you? Let’s start from the beginning.

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Last November you might recall that I decided to up and leave my job, a drastic step I needed to take to propel my life in a new direction. All in all it was the right decision though sacrificing my paycheck also meant sacrificing the things it afforded me. First thing to get cut– my exorbitant gym membership I was doling nearly two grand out for each year. Yikes.

I’ve always been a fitness fanatic so lacking a gym was not about to keep me from getting in my daily circuits. As fate would have it, my roommate worked for BeachBody, the team famous for those P90X commercials you watch on repeat when a bout of insomnia strikes. With her help, I was selected to test out the company’s newest home workout DVD series, a revamped version of P90.

I’d given P90X a try in the past and though I liked the workouts had never managed to complete the 90 program in full. I’d seen the “after” photos BeachBody promised their products could offer but could never imagine myself attaining those kinds of results. Seriously, who has abs like that??

Turns out I do.  (Pause #2 for a moment of disbelief). When I accepted the challenge to test out P90 I fully committed to the cause. Part of me was driven by curiosity. Could I get those same results? The other part of me was driven by the need for structure. Working solo has it’s advantageous but structure is not one of them. Dedicating myself to my new workout and eating plan helped to fill this gap.

6 days a week I worked out to one of P90’s roughly 45 minutes routines. 7 days a week I ate according to the prescribed diet–1200 calories a day, no sugar, alcohol, or gluten. No cheating for 90 days. Was it tough not to cheat? Hell yes! Was I hell-bent on proving I could do it? You better believe it.

The most obvious results of this stringent plan are the physical. Over the course of 90 days I lost nearly 9 pounds and 50% body fat while increasing my muscle mass and tone. No point in denying it, I got shredded.

The less obvious results are the lessons I learned about fitness, nutrition, and living a healthy lifestyle. From beginning ballet at the age of four to running a marathon at twenty-four, I’ve worked out pretty much my entire life. My focus on fitness also came with a considerate awareness of what foods I chose to feed into my body. I felt like I had it all figured out– workout every day and eat healthy. Easy enough, right?

Not quite. While I understood the general framework for healthy living there were a couple of problems I’d always run into. First, I could never figure out how to make my routines consistent. There would be times I’d be in the gym two times a day. Other times when I was withholding from all carbs. I was always on the hunt for a solution that I could maintain. Second, I never really saw the results I was looking for. I’d gain a few pounds here, lose a few pounds there, but never dramatically change the shape or look of my body in the way I’d hoped. It didn’t seem to matter that I was getting up at 5 am to make it to spinning class and avoiding the cookie plate at work. I’d always wondered if anything would happen if I just gave up the gym all together and decided to eat nothing but cheese plates and chocolate.

Committing to P90 shed light on some vital fitness facts I’d been missing which brings me back to why I’m sharing my awkward pre and post photos with you. I’m here to impart the knowledge. Though I’m not saying you need to follow my exact footsteps in order to reach your goals, keeping in mind these few tips might make your process a little easier:

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Nutrition matters…a lot

I’m a snacker. I don’t like to eat a lot at once but I do like to eat a little a lot of the time. I thought I was managing my intake by keeping my portion sizes small. The problem is that the number of portions I was eating was more than I’d come to realize. The consequence was that I was withholding from the foods that I really wanted to eat and not benefitting from my good intentions. I’ve since learned that your diet determines 70-80% of your results.

When I started P90 I was worried that I’d actually gain weight because the workouts were shorter than I was used to.  I now realize that you can workout all you want but if you aren’t eating right your efforts will be fruitless. Hitting the gym does not grant you a free pass to stuff your face.

During the 90 days I ate 3 meals, 1 protein shake, and one snack a day. My meals were high in lean protein and low in fat and carbs. I ate thoughtfully and intentionally rather than mindlessly grazing.  Not only did I enjoy my meals more but also I learned to recognize feelings of hunger vs. the mental desire to eat.

 

Lifting weights does the body good

I was a cardio junkie. I believed hitting the road for a run, maniacally pushing the elliptical, or tearing it up in spinning class were about the only ways to burn enough calories to lose weight.  I resisted weight training because I felt like I didn’t work up as good of a sweat and therefore wasn’t burning as many calories as I could if I was doing another activity.

What I hadn’t accounted for was the prolonged metabolic benefit lifting weights granted. Thing is, when you build muscle mass you actually burn more calories when you’re not doing anything at all. That sounds pretty good right?

I’d tricked myself into believing 5-pound hand weights were as much as I could handle. P90 taught me different.  By day 90 I was lifting weights I’d never imagine I’d be able to pick up off the rack and I was finally seeing the muscle tone I’d previously only dreamed up.

 

Change is imperative

Running and spinning had become my default workouts of choice. Every now and then I’d sprinkle in a barre class just to keep things interesting. Always aiming for 60 minutes of sweat no matter the activity. I’d fallen into an obvious pattern but couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I wasn’t seeing different results.

In P90 the workouts progressively get harder and longer every 30 days. The intent is to continuously challenge your body to step up to the next level. After a while, your body grows accustomed to the stress you put it through. If you don’t present challenges you won’t see new results.

My steady sweat sessions had put me on a hamster wheel. I’d become reliant on them just to maintain my current status. It wasn’t until I mixed things up, even when shortening my total workout time, that I started to see change.

 

Foam rolling will save your life

I hated to warm up, cool down, and stretch. I didn’t see the point. Why waste the precious minutes when you could devote them to burning hard-core calories? My body was always sore, my muscles were as tight as cold rubber bands, and my lower back ached like it belonged to a pregnant woman. The solution was obvious but I refused to give in.

Before every P90 workout I would spend 5-10 minutes on a foam roller. Have you heard of these things? Rolling on one provides a mixed feeling of relief and masochism.  The hard surface needs out knots deep within your muscles inducing some of the worst and most relieving pain your body can handle.

Introducing foam rolling to my workouts changed my life. My back stopped hurting, my muscles loosened up, and I had a solution to resolve my soreness. I’m still not a big fan of stretching but using the foam roller helps make up for some of that.

The number on the scale isn’t everything

Whenever I would start a new diet or workout plan, I always went into it with one goal in mind- to decrease the number that appeared on my scale. If I could just lose those last 5-1o pounds I’d be set, I’d tell myself. I hadn’t realized how much of the picture I was missing by zeroing in on this one number.

During the P90 program I was encouraged to access my progress in multiple ways. The first and most motivating was by taking daily selfies. These pics were for no ones eyes but mine and they were my largest motivator. It was incredible to see how much change could occur in just one week when you had pictures to track the progress. Besides daily pics, every 30 days I checked my body fat percent and body measurements. Though my total inches lost wasn’t drastic, I was shocked to see how much my body fat % went down.

By introducing much more weightlifting into my routine, I had begun to replace body fat with lean muscle. Since muscle weighs more than fat, I was counteracting some of the effects of my weight loss. Though the number on the scale wasn’t decreasing as fast as I would have imagined, seeing the bigger picture made me much happier with my results.

 

It’s been a few months since I’ve wrapped up my P90 trial. Have I managed to keep 100% of the physical results I earned? No. Have I managed to retain the lessons the program taught me? Yes (well for the most part). I’ve seen what my body can do when I commit to healthy habits. I also know what things will bring me closer to my before photo than I ‘d like. I’m not as strict with myself as I was during my test but when I choose to indulge I do it intentionally.  Life is a balance and I’m happy with the center I’ve found.

 

Tony Horton 10-Minute Jump Rope Workout

Hello, boys and girls! Today we have a workout called JUMP PUMP! We’re going to jump some rope for 10 minutes straight. For some of you, this will be an awesome warm-up. For others, it’s gonna be a very difficult, full-on workout. Grab a jump rope and let’s jump it out.

TONY HORTON 10 Minute Jump Rope Workout

 

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